whats up real quick

real fast, baby is fine, taking  vitamins, feeling better. trying to decide whether to fight for my right to homeschool for the sake of all other parents who want to , rather then bow to the man, hard to decide cuz i am exaausted with a million things to do, doc appointmnts, trying to move into the homeless shelter, etc etc etc. life...............at least i know im not alone, thank you god, and love to my bff,, i am encouraged to keep going on, and of course my 14 yr old son, who is a godsend! i am defnitly trying to not give up hope, i just know thru all this storm, that the rainbow is coming soon!  if nothing else i know i have been blessed, im not angry at all the people who are suppose to be my family. this is some test or trial god has laid before me.  know im on the right path. my karma is good, and so all this bad thats been thrown at me just means that something wonderful is comiing, and whatever it is god, i trust you.    at least i know im not alone, thank you god, and  i say again...........love to my bff, !i am encouraged to keep going on, and of course my 14 yr old son, who is a godsend!

new turning point

well, this is the news. since my dad yelled at me and told me that the painting i painted for him on his birthday is the worst painting ever, and i explained that if he didnt like it he shuld have said something and that my feelings go into my paintings, and he screamed at me that i shuld get happy because its his 67 birthday. and he yelled at me that i shuld have a job and that i must have tried drugs since my last boyfriend made them, etc, i explained that i chose to saty with them cuz its safe and he is the only dad jay has, and that i dont do drugs, that my first husbabnd was abusive, and hes like why didnt i just hit him on the head with a frying pan, i told him he has turned into a cruel and evil man. i have done notheing wrong, but my step mother starts chiming in and when i looked a t her i can see that she is causing all this and i say the devil in her eyes, bu havnt spoke to my dad. since this all happened i have harly been able to sleep, and i havnt been with opie since he was in prison, in fact thats the only time i was with opie. i thot he knew all this, but i guess my stepmother makes sure she tells him bad things about me. thats why i have to get out of there. the other day my blankets were missing. my step mom had been in my room and took my blankets. she was probaly hoping i would say something, but i found it in the closet in the play room. ? oh ya i just found out my dad isnt poor and i forgot to tell u how much my dad gets a month. he gets 900 fro social security, 600 from firefighters retirmnt, 1000 fro the va, and 200 from the church, every month, and she gets 300 a month from social security. wow huh? any way who cares,it doesnt matter i have to get out of the toxic environment.

court sucks. if i am a homeschooling  then jacob has to be under court supervioson, have a probation officer, in fact he is on probabtion for truancy. jay decided he is sick of all this crap and agreed to go to the 8th grade middle school, over by 1400 and adams. the bus will pick him up.and  in 6 mos if he is good all this will end. jay says buearacy sucks. in reno county they are the law. i was prepared to fight for my right to homeschool my child, and prove that i am a good parent and teacher. but jay chose a diff path. i think it will be a good experience for him to be around other kids, make some new friends. it will definitly free up my time, so i can concentrate on just being a parent and not his teacher too, and have time to go to college myself or work on my art career or just go back to being a secretary and make some damn money, i want the best for him, and social skills arent something i can provide him,and they are so important. i told him if in two years or even in 6 mos he doesnt like the public shcool he can go to job corp, or online public school, or the learning center. this is so much of a relief for me, jays probation officer, or supervioson officer is pretty nice, i have so many appointments this week, i got so many things to do. but sunday is trick or treat! monday is when they announce the winners of the 25k!
love u talk to u soon, i know theres more but i will remember later!!

POTTS TRAILER

11th week of depression

today i had to take my kid to see his lawyer for court. went okay, they think he is truant but he is in homeschool. i was worried about what someone, probably my ex that doesnt want to pay child support tried to say im a bad mother etc. anyway we have to appear in court next week for the judge to decide if jay is truant or not. so i had a lot of worry for nothing. so sense its not about me or where i live, i guess i can go to some resource places to get some fricking clothes my son jay is having a hard time with men, so am i . i guess we have abandomnent issues. im working on trusting men. right now my top priority is jay well being! i dont care about anything else, cept family of course which does include my bff , family, of course. and art and music.excited , does that make sense. i also am very sensitive to the people closest to mes feelings and thots, even if they arent next to me. i aalso can smell smells 100 yards away, yet my nose feels stuffy.

me, lately

, so sorry if there is anybody even following my blogs that for a couple weeks anyway the blog will be few and far between. happy halloween. , love to my bff,!

wow, things happen for a reason

today's top news, is that im  im 43. the thing is that i did wish to have another child before i was too old to have one. i always thot it would be with opie tho. but we haven't been together for a couple years, except in my mind. this year was a great turning po8nt for me. my faith in god was tested and i have to trust him to lead me in the right direction. i lost the home i had for 26 years, but now i know the reason,not. i talk alot of shit , and i havnt had sex much in the last 10 years, basically becuz i was saving myself for a man whom i thot was my soulmate but really was just playing my heart. shulda known when he got down on his knees playing a hinder song on his guitar in 2005 for me ,"you deserve much better than me" i thot why is he playing this song, well he was trying to tell me what kind of person, he was, but i didnt wanna believe it. i gave everything i had to make him happy to support him in prison, saved myself for him. well this year i finally woke up and smelled the coffee. that's when i started dating again. i met someone who is everything i ever dreamed of, asked god for. but he said he isnt interested in anything but friends.alone hell i been doing it for 14 yrs. with Jacob.  my ex, opie dropped by to see me the other day. but again he wasnt really dropping by to see me, he was wondering how much the house i lost went for. wtf? he had his cousin, with him. i meant to tell him to please not see me anymore cuz there is river between us and he cant own me anymore.but i was so dumbfounded and he said he would be back later, but i had forgotton that really means months from now.