wow, things happen for a reason

today's top news, is that im  im 43. the thing is that i did wish to have another child before i was too old to have one. i always thot it would be with opie tho. but we haven't been together for a couple years, except in my mind. this year was a great turning po8nt for me. my faith in god was tested and i have to trust him to lead me in the right direction. i lost the home i had for 26 years, but now i know the reason,not. i talk alot of shit , and i havnt had sex much in the last 10 years, basically becuz i was saving myself for a man whom i thot was my soulmate but really was just playing my heart. shulda known when he got down on his knees playing a hinder song on his guitar in 2005 for me ,"you deserve much better than me" i thot why is he playing this song, well he was trying to tell me what kind of person, he was, but i didnt wanna believe it. i gave everything i had to make him happy to support him in prison, saved myself for him. well this year i finally woke up and smelled the coffee. that's when i started dating again. i met someone who is everything i ever dreamed of, asked god for. but he said he isnt interested in anything but friends.alone hell i been doing it for 14 yrs. with Jacob.  my ex, opie dropped by to see me the other day. but again he wasnt really dropping by to see me, he was wondering how much the house i lost went for. wtf? he had his cousin, with him. i meant to tell him to please not see me anymore cuz there is river between us and he cant own me anymore.but i was so dumbfounded and he said he would be back later, but i had forgotton that really means months from now.